The masks we wear

We will soon be adorned in costumes, wigs, and makeup, becoming characters we would otherwise avoid. We wear masks on Halloween, and take them off when the day's over and go back to our regular selves. Or so we may think.

Truth is, most of us wear invisible masks in our everyday lives, especially in the workplace. We hope to live our lives being who we really are, but for some reason most of us get up, put on our cloaks, and as we walk into work, we put our masks on. “Good morning, how are you?” we hear, and “great” is how we answer, even if we are not. Or, we ask how the other person is, when we have too much on our own minds to care.

We pretend everything is great, when our home lives are stressful, money is tight, the kids are fighting, or we have the flu. We meet customers and figure out how they will buy from us; our motive is clear, but we don’t dare ask for the sale. We don’t shake hands or hug anymore, because we might get sick from any type of human contact, even though many of us are not planning to get the flu shot. We mask our fears about getting sick and our fears of being anti social.

We pretend we know what we are doing, even if we are not that secure, because that is what professional workers do. We pretend to be busy when we answer emails, chat in the lunch room, or Facebook message our friends. We mask the things we don’t want our co-workers and bosses to realize about us, like insecurities or fears. We mask our home lives from our work lives, and we mask some of the really awesome things we do, so others will not be jealous of us.

We all wear masks, of varying kinds, in all jobs, and all facets of our lives. It would be too scary to take our masks off altogether, but hopefully we are able to remove these masks somewhere, without fear of retribution.

The masks we wear at work are there to protect us in some way, perhaps from the truths about ourselves, or perhaps from others who judge. We all wear them!

But maybe, as we put together our costumes for another fun filled Halloween, we at least acknowledge the masks we wear in our everyday lives, and maybe, we learn to take off these masks a little more often.

Hoarding Emails

Recently, around a large table of women, I realized that we were never really taught about how to deal with every day technology such as email. Some people will actually save every single email they get, for fear that they may need it one day. Certainly, these may be the very same people who have kept every single message, card they were given, doodle their child created many years ago, or sample of something they might do when they retire 30 years from now.

I am not saying we should not save emails, especially really funny or important ones, but emails can be filed in an electronic folder, if they need to be saved. One gal I spoke to has 1700 emails in her inbox! Ha, ha, ha, ha. She wanted to be able to find something if she ever needed it. How do you find something in a grouping of 1700?

During this extended conversation, I learned that these people, who keep everything, will create new email addresses as their old inboxes fill up, in order to make room for more emails! Yikes! Anyone who knows me, and has followed my columns, blog, or TV segments, will know that I am not a tech-savvy person, but this seems crazy!

So, this got me thinking. Do we do the same thing with our brains that we do with our inboxes? Do we fill up with so much stuff, nonsense being mixed up with important stuff, just in case we need to draw on it sometime? It is no wonder people and computers crash!

I started to think that maybe we parallel our inboxes with the way we handle our lives. Do we take in way too much information at work, at home, on TV, and everywhere else we look? Do we save the right stuff, or do we try to retain too much information right from grade 1 onward?

There are some really easy things we can do to simplify our lives in today’s world. We should have a maximum of 2 lives and 2 email addresses, one at home and one at work. Most of the information we take in, we should simply delete. The really important stuff we should save, in an appropriate file, where we can find it if we need it, but where we do not need to look at it everyday. The remaining should either be deleted, or forwarded to others who will then delete it, save it, or use it if it is helpful.

Simple life rules: forward, save, or delete; it works for everything.

Relationships

Meeting new people and developing new relationships is difficult; maintaining them over a long time is even harder. Those couples who have been together for a long time know that the small characteristics we once found endearing can become irritating. Boss and coworker, and peer relationships, have the same type of relationship woes.

All relationships start with some excitement, a little anxiety, and certainly some hope. We usually work hard at learning about the other person, listening to what they have to say, asking them questions, and trying to include them in important matters. We all seem to have a little unease when we meet someone new. Will this person like me? What if they don’t?

Boss and coworker relationships can take on many forms; some are like a parent and child relationship, some are distant, and some are very close. They all usually start off with similar feelings; the hope that the new employee will last a long time, that they will do a good and responsible job, that they will like their new position, and that they will get along with their new “siblings”. The boss is hoping this employee will be a good fit. But managing relationships is tough! Figuring out what is underneath the beliefs, skills, and talents of this new person may be what it will take to keep them in the relationship long term.

I think during the tech age we now live in, we need to consciously work to include the human aspect of relationship building and bring it back to the forefront of life and work. Figuring out what is important to us and the people we care about should be a priority. Asking someone out on a date, or offering them a job, should be done in person or over the phone, rather than via text. We should use common sense when developing a relationship and remember that its important to feel the humility that comes with being human.

Maintaining relationships takes hard work, regardless of what that relationship is. Understanding where emotions are coming from, and why some people fight, some regress, and others just pick up and leave, will help in continuing on. Each person is unique; therefore, every relationship is different. Asking lots of questions whenever possible and sometimes just taking a deep breath and a step back may be all that is needed to get through a tough relationship.

Sometimes, when the work becomes too difficult and exhausting for both parties, it is just time to go. But, the long term relationships, the ones that stand the test of time, through the booms and the busts, the layoffs and the promotions, the pregnancies and the deaths, well those are the ones that count at the end of the day!

What are we thankful for this year?

Happy Thanksgiving to all! I think people will either celebrate this Thanksgiving like never before, or wallow in the terrible year they have had.

For many people, this year has been the worst, with the economy in a disastrous state, finances in a flux, and jobs lost everywhere! I think there may be a few people out there who might say that there is nothing to be thankful for this year. But, this Thanksgiving we should think about the great things that have occurred this year, and for the this day where we can choose to be thankful and move forward.

For those employees who were laid off this year, they can be thankful for the free time, the time now spent with family and friends. This forced free time created the opportunity for people to learn new hobbies, exercise and get healthy, and some even found new loves and better jobs than they had before. For the employees who kept their jobs, they should be thankful that they got to keep things the way they were, when so many others were struggling to find new work.

Many people set their priorities straight this year, putting family and relationships first, and should be thankful for that. A lot of kids got their parents back, with more quality time spent and less time lost at work.

Finances went awry this past year, so just about everyone had less money to spend. Be thankful that we got creative, we thought outside the box, and made it work financially. We spent less time in the malls, at restaurants, and traveling, and more time with our friends, families, and neighbors. We had fire pits and barbeques, instead of big trips and lavish events this year. Thank goodness for that! We talked to our friends over coffee, instead of 30 broken texts, and we listened and cared for each other, instead of just passing one another in the hall.

We learned about ourselves and about others, and about how we deal in the face of adversity. Most of us figured out who our true friends are, and who had been there only because the dollars were there to be spent. We downsized this year with homes, cars, and luxuries, and for some, we downsized what we once thought were necessities. Now we know what we can live without.

Many people lost relationships this year, relations that perhaps were not that great in the first place and the stress of difficult times was enough to finally drive them apart. Thank goodness for that too. Those losses have opened the doors for many who have found new loves this year.

We still breath clean air, drink pure water and eat good food (especially on Thanksgiving). We are alive and we have a promising future, and have the strength to bounce back from a tough year. We learned a lot and grew a lot this year. There truly is a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.